Category: Let's talk
Recently a survey was carried out to see whether men/women had the same number of sexual partners, or whether there actually was a difference. In actual fact there were two surveys, one was a face to face one, and the other was online. In the face to face survey, women came out as having had half as many sexual partners as men, however, in the online one, which was anonomous, women admitted generally to having had as many sexual partners as men. It seems that the women were hppy to lie about the number of partners they had had when being asked straight out, however, on paper were happy to admit to having had a number of partners. So, would you admit to the number of partners you had had? Or do you think that the more partners you have, the worse it makes you look? Moreover, would you think differently of someone who had had a number of sexual partners?
That's because if men have a lot of girls they're seen as a pimp. If girls have alot of guys they're known as a slut. I think that generally pushes women to lie about such things. Now if they reffered to them as cool "pimps" then perhaps there would be more face-to-face honesty.
hmm, I'm not actually sure what I think fo this one to be honest. I think there's some kind of invisible line, where it stops jsut being ok for me, but I'm not sure where that is. When I was a kid, I swore that I'd only ever sleep with one person. I didn't have a problem with people who didn't think that way, but I thought it wasnt' for me. Well, that' didn't work, lol. I guess it depends why you're finding this information out? I mean, if you, for some reason, found out in some kind of one night stand situation, then I think that'd be a whole different thing to actually caring about that person. I think that, as long as I could genuinely care about the other person, and as long as I'd known that they'd been safe and that they werent' gunna be cheating on me, I wouldn't be too bothered. Obviously you cant' garantee that people aren't gunna cheat on you, but ya know what I mean...
Well, the way I see it is like this. Your passed is your passed, what happened in the passed is just that. We all got to learn from our mistakes at some point. I mean, it wouldn't bother me if the person I went with had a few relationships etc in the passed, after all after 1 comes 2 and all that. and who's to say that the person you are with is going to be that 1 person for life, 1 thing I've learnt is that you can never be certain of that. Nothing is certain, so if you know that for yourself and from your own experience then you can think the same of others as well.
personally i prefer to abstane from the pleasures of the flesh! *sarcastic laugh*.
my advice to everyone, girls and guy's alike. screw as many people as you can. we'll all be dead one day and who's going to care then? not me that's for damn sure! if other people can't accept me for being that way then that is there problem not mine! lol.
i have to agree with natalie on this one though. sad fact though it is, guy's aren't viewed in the same light as women when it comes to having lots of sexual partners. i hole heartedly disagree with that way of thinking but it is true. though it should also be pointed out that women themselves are as responsible for this outlook as guy's. perhaps even more so. the moment a woman even starts to flirt with more than one guy at a time she is labeled a slag or a slut.
it's almost as though over the centuries we have become more and more anti fun! lol. i mean you don't see rabbits, dogs, monkeys etc etc worrying about who they are sleeping with. the natural order of things is to procreate. as human's we are even lucky compared to many species ecause not only do we find a necessary to do but we all find it a fun thing to do!
not for a second that i am suggesting to guys that they go and inpregnate every single girl they meet up with! lol. that's what birth control is for! but have fun though! i certainly intend too.
Lol, Dan!!! I don't know why women would conceal how many guys they have been with. I wouldn't. But then, I'm not truly bothered by what others think in that matter.
*sexy*
Personally, I don't see anything wrong with having multiple partners to a certain degree. Obviously, not all relationships you get into are going to last, and you can't garantee that you won't be active with the next person you get involved with.
Then on the other hand, you've got those who decide to sleep with half the neighborhood, then turn around and sleep with these peoples' family membors, not thinking about whether or not they could contract STD's, then at that point it's too late. So, that could be one reason you're getting different results as far as the survey's are concerned, and then again, that could simply be something people aren't comfortable talking about in front of other people, but to do an online survey, would be similar to keeping a journal, and it would be easier to write things down and have more time to think about what to say and have a better responce instead of being put on the spot.
Well it’s true to say that most people have more than one partner, however, does there come a point where you would perhaps not want to admit this? I mean 2 partners, 4 partners, even 10 partners over a matter of years is not necessarily that much of a big deal, but what about when that starts to run into double figures, do you think that would perhaps change the way you were perceived? Even as a guy, do you think that a girl would think twice about sleeping with you if you had had say, 25 partners? After all, it’s highly unlikely that you would have had strong, loving relationships with 25 women, some of those are likely to have just been sex for the sake of having sex? It’s true that girls are perceived differently to guys where this is concerned, however this culture seems to be changing, as girls battle for equality, and in the ladette culture we are now living in, where girls drink as much as guys, have the same types of jobs as guys … it’s not uncommon to meet girls who will happily have meaningless sex with several partners. And now I want to take the topic in a slightly different direction, if, as a guy, you have had multiple partners, and I’m talking double figures, would you think twice about sleeping with a girl who perhaps has only ever had one partner? Or who is a virgin even? After all, if a girl has had one partner, she perhaps views sex in a different sense to the way you do if you have had upwards of 10 partners say, would it bother you that she wanted more from it than you necessarily did? Of course the same applies to girls who have had multiple partners sleeping with a guy who has only been with one girl …
Hmm, well, I think first of all that if men claim to have had many partners but women claim only to have had half as many that really just can't make much sense, what women did all thse men sleep with, assuming (which is fairly accurate) that the ratio of men to women on the planet is roughly 1 to 1 and assuming we're strictly speaking about heterosexual people the ratio should actually be a lot closer than that, after all for every woman a man sleeps with there is a man that the woman has slept with so on average they should have had a similar number of partners and that's the way I see it. I'm not so convinced yet that the public opinion swings in the favor of guys when it comes to multiple partners. This certainly used to be true and it could still be true in the UK or well even in the U.S. in certain communities. I know amongst my friends there is very little difference of opinion, we all find it a bit sad to try and pick up a new partner every weekend and it just increases risk of STDs greatly (after all something like 20 ot 30% of the population has some form of Herpes e.g. and once you contract it that's it for you you'll never get fully rid of it) and meaningless sex is, well by our general consensus, meaningless. Those who enjoy it of course feel differently and I don't see that as being an issue really. Of course there are times when we all, at least people who are single, just want to go out and experiment and have fun, after all hormones play a very strong part, the difference is whether we feel it's right or wrong to do so. So I think that it's just lifestyle differences and preferences at play here. I'd rather be with someone who has had a limited number of partners (I guess up to 10 is fine, based on ricumstance, age etc). I think a couple of one night stands is acceptable since we're all a bit stupid sometimes and with alcohol and adventurous nights things can happen. However I would feel weird about someone who truly feels sex is just a physical pleasure and means nothing more than just that and that's what number of partners could indicate. And I think people should have general expectations of what their relationship means and be on the same page before they sleep together, and if they do it doesn't much matter if the girl is a virgin or has slept with 8 guys before, not really. It's just something peole have to work out and talk about. I'm with Sugar that I only planned to ever be with one person ever but I failed after two years and after moving to the U.S. now I know it may take a handful of tries to get it right *smiles* but that's ok.
Cheers
-B
Doesn't it depend on why you are going to be sleeping with the person? I mean, as far as what Dan said, he's kind of right in the sense that, the past is the past, but I know that if I was just about to become another statistic and I knew it, I wouldn't go there at all. As far as having multiple partners over a period of time, I don't think numbers matter there for me. I'd feel kinda odd about sleeping with someone who had slept with less people than me in a way, maybe kinda bad about it, I dunno, that sounds kinda odd really i spose doesn't it. I mean, it wouldnt' be this big issue, but I would feel a bit weird about it. Not necessarily guilty, but, i dunno, can't really describe it. An that, boys and girls, is where I'm going to stop rambling, coz I'm talking crap. smile
I think this is private and to ask is almost voyueristic ..your sex life past and present would only be relevant if you were dating someone from this site..
*yawns* goblin if you didn't have every poster to this topic on ignore you would know that no one asked ... but ... well you're making a prat of yourself by making assumptions again so ... carry on, *grins*
how do you work that out gobhole? if you're seriously involved with someone say, you would want to know about their life previous to being with you to get to know them as a person. Is this not part of their previous life? So is it so odd to ask about it? I appear to be missing your point here, yet again.
well the passed is the passed. whilst you shouldn't ignore the passed of anybody, if you found someone you genuinely liked then if you go for them, at least do it with as an open a mind as you can.
I think a lot of people don't tell the absolute truth in surveys. They may go along with whoever they're with or perhaps just tell others what they want to hear or answer in a way they feeel everyone else wants to answer.
I personally don't care how many partners the one I am with has had, on these conditions of course. First, that they are clean of STD's. Second, the my partner wasn't just sleeping around. Third, that my partner wouldn't cheat on me. Fourth, that it wasn't some rediculacely hi number like 50 or something. LOL. No, but seriously, i agree that the past is the past, and what matters is what my partner does during the present, and the future. Here again, this is an issue of great trust, in that you must trust your partner to tell you the truth about these things such as STD's, and whether he/she will be faithful ETC.
well, i wouldn't tell the world how many sexual partners I have had, and also if the guy has had more then me that wouldn't matter either.
No why should it matter, I don't think it does personally
I agree that the past is the past, in the context that there's no point in worrying about it, because it obviously can't be changed. but, your choices in the past determine your future, so I would want to know what it consisted of. And by the same token would be completely honest with my partner about mine. After all, if you don't regret it, then what's to hide. I'm not necessarily concerned with the number of sexual partners my partner has had, but more his perception of the whole thing, and more importantly our relationship. Again it is down to individual cercomstances.
Yup that's the ticket. You can't change what is, you should only concern yourself with what will be.
I would probably admit to how many partners that I had, but I don't think having a lot of partners is very good. In my family, it's kinda looked at as dirty, but at the same time, it's really hard for me to call it that. I've had friends who have had many sexual partners, and there is nothing wrong with them. I guess it's just something that I don't agree with for several reasons.
Well look at it like this. I've only ever had 1 in my life to date. But that really doesn't bother me admitting that, nore do I care who does or doesn't know about it. But equally it wouldn't bother me if someone came back and said that they have had several. It depends really on how you define dirty. It's not anybody's fault if you just have a string of bad luck with partners, on the other hand, you could say dirty if you are talking about 1 night stands. it's about clarification I think personally.
i have had lots of one night stands. i neither regret them nor feel dirty for having them! please feel free to consider me dirty if it makes you feel more comfortable though.
I consider myself a "sexually liberated woman". That's what I say to those who call me a "slut". That and be more original! lol But seriously, if one is responsible about using birth control and such, then I see nothing wrong with them having as many partners as they want. Eventually, having meaningless sex and one night stands gets old after awhile, and a person gets lonely for some true, faithful companionship. I wouldn't go around bragging to everyone about how many people I've slept with, but I'm not ashamed of it either.
no it doesn't really matter.
You clarifided it for me. If people have had just bad luck, than it's not necessarely that they're dirty, but I don't agree with tons of one night stands. That doesn't mean that I thinik that all people who screw everyone and their dog are dirty in my opinion, I was just brought up that way, and would never do that kind of thing myself, because I would considder myself dirty. Nore would I probably date someone who's had several sexual partners unless they told me everything about each one like about std's and stuff. Sorry if I put anyone off, I never intended to. If ya all want to have ur fun, than go ahead, lol! I don't care.
lol no I just think it's a case of clarification. I don't care about anybody that has 1 night stands, what ever floats your boat as they say. But I do think that there is a significant difference between those who have plenty of sexual partners due to bad luck, and those who just do it for the sake of doing it. There is a difference and people just need to remember that. That's in no way a criticism to anybody or at anybody's thoughts on the matter, but on the other hand I think people to many times are very prepared to jump the gun and make assumptions rather than looking at the additional possibilities.
so what do you say then reads dots? should we meet up some time and have meaningless sex? lol
ok well then let's take the argument in a different direction. let's say that, for the moment, you have sex because .. well because you enjoy it, you're not into commitment, and you're not overly bothered about how many partners you've had in the past and are going to have in the future. Then one day you meet someone, and that person sweeps you off your feet, and you look at that person in a totally different way to all your previous partners, how do you convince that person that he/she isn't just another notch on your bed post? if you fell in love with someone who had had several previous partners and admitted that they all meant nothing, wouldn't it take some convincing that you were the one he/she loved and wanted to be with? You're right there is a difference between having had a few partners because of bad luck, and having had lots of partners because you have no intention of ever committing to anyone and are happy sleeping with anyone that will give you the satisfaction, however, that non commitment might not last for ever, so if that's the way you think now you need to be open to the fact that the way you think now might change in the future, and also that it might change your future partner perceives you.
I would never tell my partner how many people I've slept with. I don't think it's any of their business. Hey Harp, fly down to Toronto sometime and we'll have some fun dude. hahahaha
I think my partner would know if I was in love with him, because I'm not a player. That is, I don't tell guys I'm in love with them or that I'll commit myself to them just so I can sleep with them. Anyone I've ever had casual sex with knows it's just that. I don't play games with people; I'm honest and straightforward.
An interesting question there. The only real answer to that I can truly give, is that any relationship that you enter into, is based on trust. It's the foundation of any given relationship. I think we can agree on there. Now, taking your argument, you could well argue, that if someone has played the field for long enough and they want to settle down, they may well be less likely to cheat simply because they've been right on the sirkit a it were and now they don't want that any more. Where as someone just starting out as it were, might well get tempted by additional ventures shall we say. However, it is true to say that if you have played the field for long enough, you will get a reputation and unfortunately, not all reputations are good ones or not perceived to be good thus you get the problem. I still say that the passed should still be the passed and be done with it, but equally mud sticks as the saying goes, and that's true in so many cases. So someone who has been the way that they are and then decides that they've found that someone, might not get what they wish for, because that someone might well regard them as not being relyable or anything like that. I will agree though that thee wouldn't be many people who would give a long time player any kind of chance, because of the risk factor. As well as the passed being the passed and all that, equally I can't blame someone for not wanting to take the risk with someone who they perceive to be nothing more than a player.
you don't think it's any of their business? Wow! What else would you not see fit to tell them. Glad you'll never be no partner of mine, god!